The Problem with "Either/Or" Thinking (And the Power of Holding Both)
You know that leader who sounds absolutely certain about everything?
The one who fires off declarative statements like they're reading from stone tablets? The one who never says "I'm not sure" or "let me think about that"?
Yeah, that leader. They're quietly destroying trust.
**The Seduction of Certainty**
Here's the uncomfortable truth: We reward confidence over competence. The leader who speaks in short, decisive bursts wins the room—even if they're wrong.
"We need to cut this budget. Now. No analysis paralysis."
"If we don't replace this entire system, we're failing."
Binary. Absolute. Certain.
And under pressure, it feels like leadership.
But it's not. It's performance.
**Why Either/Or Thinking Feels So Good (And Why It's Dangerous)**
Under stress, our brains crave simplicity. Fight or flight. Yes or no. In or out.
Either/Or thinking feels decisive. It cuts through ambiguity. It makes us look like we're in control.
The problem? It amputates half the truth.
Real-world examples:
- The coach who demands "You're either with us or against us"—and watches the locker room fracture.
- The executive who frames it as "layoffs or bankruptcy"—missing the restructuring option that saves both jobs and the business.
- The parent who says "follow the rules or lose the car"—and wonders why trust evaporated.
**The Hidden Cost: Truth Goes Underground**
When leaders perform certainty before they've earned clarity, something insidious happens:
- Employees stop raising concerns.
- Managers polish bad data.
- Teams hide problems until they explode.
The culture learns: Don't bring complexity. Bring compliance.
**Enter B.A.T.: Both Are True**
Here's a radical idea: What if both things are true?
What if budget discipline matters AND cutting too fast damages critical programs?
What if innovation is essential AND your team isn't ready for a wholesale replacement?
The skill isn't choosing between them. It's holding both long enough for a better solution to emerge.
**What B.A.T. Looks Like in Practice**
B.A.T. (Both Are True) isn't about wimpy compromise. It's about coherent solutions.
It's not: "Let's split the difference and make everyone equally unhappy."
It is: "Let's honor what's true on both sides and design something that actually works."
Example:
- Instead of: "Cut staff or lose programs"
- B.A.T. asks: "How do we protect both people and programs through phased adjustments and creative restructuring?"
Yes, it's slower. Yes, it's harder. But it's also honest—and it builds trust instead of eroding it.
**The Practice**
Next time you feel the gravitational pull toward Either/Or:
1. **Name both truths.** Say them out loud. Write them down.
2. **Sit with the tension.** Don't rush to collapse complexity.
3. **Ask better questions.** "What would it look like if we honored both?"
Because the leaders we remember aren't the ones who sounded most certain.
They're the ones who were brave enough to hold complexity until truth surfaced.
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*This post is adapted from concepts in **The Power of And: Reclaiming Leadership in a World Addicted to Either/Or** by Jeff Thomas. Learn more at [powerofbook.com](http://www.powerofbook.com).*